2009

*This is more for my reflection than your enjoyment, so if i were you...I wouldn't read it.

January

Finally memorized my student ID number

Wholeheartedly committed myself to become an educator

Finished the mural

Met Tyler Gobble and Michael King, people who would shape the rest of my year.

February

Abstained from facebook

Started this blog

Missed my first RA interview

Entered a classroom for the first time as something other than a student

Didn’t eat for four days

March

Drove 4 hours to visit William by myself (a personal accomplishment for this notably awful driver)

April

Became an RA (didn’t realize this would be a life altering decision)

Met Matt Wallace, Alex Beasely, Lauren Diaz, Vicki Hayes, Tyeesha Harris, Clifton Snorten, and Tim O’Malley (didn’t realize they’d become family)

May

Kicked Brit. Lit. butt

Met Alex Salmins

Fell in love with VGR

Got glasses

Cultivated a deep seeded hatred for my job as a journalist

Ditched the hair

Got glasses

Started work for a political campaign (parades and all)

Ate live ants

June

Had my first panic attack

Wrote the most read story for the Dayton Daily News

July

Realized I love Journalism and it will always be part of my life

Showed Washington D.C. to my mom and grandmother

Had my wisdom teeth hacked out

Tasted pudding for the first time

August

Experienced the horror of duty for the first time

What I thought was cocaine was really creatin

SSO

Maya Williams and Travis Anderson joined the family

September

My first mediation

Thought for the first time that I was not capable of accomplishing something

Decided to never be an RA again

Dropped the D in Cody D

October

Committed to study in Europe this summer

Got dumped

Went to Chicago with Cody and Derek

Camped in the pouring rain

Started something covert

November

Goodbye to Timothy O’Malley

Said farewell to my teenage years with Kinsley and Molly

Realized that I want them to be a part of my life forever

Was threatened.

December

Wrote a book

Saw only A’s on my report card

Was astonished by that

Realized this was probably the most diverse decade I will ever live through.

I’m almost sad to say goodbye to such an eventful year. It will certainly be remembered, even if only as the one where I kissed way too many boys, picked out the names of my future children, and learned to love myself.

Love Letter

Dear future husband,

From what I’ve come to understand marriage can be comparable to prison if you’re not careful. So we should try to make ours fun. Lets play tricks on each other and stuff. Our bed is always base, the garage is out of bounds, and sharp objects are off limits. Bonus points for craftiness.

Also, I’m always going to want a puppy or a kitten. No matter what. So, if you’re smart, which I really hope you are, you’ll avoid getting one until you need to make up for something.

Please don’t smoke, or sleep with your secretary, or develop a dependency for some expensive illicit narcotic. That would just break my heart.

We can read good books and then swap! We could be nomads or suburban dwellers. We can have a garden and learn to cook exotic food. Together, we can go on adventures and do the things that scare us.

Hubby, I have no idea who you are or if I’ve met you, but I hope you don’t play dungeons and dragons or have a history of heart disease in your family. I’d hate to pass those on to Junior.

Well, that’s all for now.

Til death do us part,

Jordan

one day I might write something worthwhile.

Mt. Everest is in my mind, weighing heavy and old.

Four separate quadrants of thought.

Compartmentalized and cold.

Ice-Ice-Isolated.

1. Exactly five years ago the Tsunami killed over 250,000 people.
a. Mother nature must be a terrorist.

b. I’m still sad about all that lost potential, those displaced futures and the families who still weep.

2. Kirby has a habit of reappearing in my life when I need him most, armed with the words I need to hear.
a. Yesterday it went like this.

Kirby: you're trying to help other people too much

and you need to take care of yourself first

Me: you think i do that?

Kirby: yes

Me: that doesn’t seem good.

Kirby: yeah

you have to take care of yourself first

what if you were in someone elses shoes,

and you saw yourself the way you are right now?

what would you do?

Me: i'd definitely kick them

b. What he said really intrigued me and reminded me that I’m bad at introspection.

c. but he also said I looked like a dyke.

3. I miss my grandma Pridemore
a. Every single day.

4. My grandma Cook was in a car accident yesterday. I’m horrified that she won’t be okay.
a. Today, as my own car was spinning out of control toward a telephone pole I felt unafraid.
b. Now I tremble.

Navidad

I really dislike the gift-exchanging aspect of Christmas.

But the spirit of materialism manifests itself brilliantly in my family. I love giving gifts, but not when it’s accompanied by expected reciprocity or strategically so your gift is the most appreciated and memorable.

That makes it meaningless.

I’m almost dreading tomorrow because the entire family is getting together out of obligation, not because we actually like each other.

I wish the burnt bridges could be rebuilt.

But the walls are stubborn and impenetrable.

Tension. Grudges. Manipulation. Tears. Scars. Fallacies. Misunderstandings.

There is love, but it’s so misguided that it never reaches its intended destination.

Here’s to hoping that tomorrow, where I’m anticipating awkwardness and swear words, there’ll be a Christmas miracle and the love will find its way.

Cheers.

Best wishes to you and yours.

Note to self: appendages.

The next time we're climbing out of our car and wearing a dress at the same time, lets try to be more ladylike, shall we?

Knees together please.

Thanks for the beating.

Dear Heart,
Thank you for beating relentlessly.

Sometimes I hate you for never learning to turn away from people who don’t regard how fragile you are, but I’m going to stop trying to change that. No matter what anyone says, it’s an asset.

On my sleeve is where you belong. That’s who we are.
Sometimes I work you too hard and put you through too much. But you stick with me and I love you for that.

Loving without reciprocity has made us stronger and made us weep. Sometimes I have real problems with the decisions you make and the people you invite in, but I know it isn’t my decision, it’s yours.

I’ve always gotten a little pissed off when people say things like “follow your heart” or “listen to your heart.” Bullshit. You aren’t a map. You don’t speak in a language I can decipher.

I don’t understand you. I follow blindly, faithfully.

But overall, I think we make a good team. And it’s nice to know that while people come and go, we’ll always have each other.

With all the love I can muster and utmost sincerity,
Jordan

she left the light on.

So I got my head out of stu west.

And then I started thinking about stu west.

And the arrow that pointed toward my name.

Toward me.

The line linking an ugly threat to me.

But I’m not supposed to take it personally.

That was at first.

And then the notes started.

And continued until it was a daily thing.

I didn’t think it bothered me.

But then I had to read it every day.

That someone is going to rape me.

And after it was hurtful and heartbreaking, it just got old.

That’s what sucks about leaving.

I start thinking about what I’m leaving.

And then I never want to go back.

How is it Christmas already?

Home.
I Am Home.
I Am Here.
Here is Home?

(1) Today feels like it was Twodays (2) First day of break is over. (3) I went shopping. I hate shopping. (4) I acknowledge that I’m spoiled. (5) My mom is very neat. (6) I started a new book today. It’s a first attempt at recreational non-fiction. ( 7) My mom made me stop so we could watch survivor. 8. Home feels nice. (9) Tyler Gobble is a very nice friend. (10) Cody Davis lights up my life. (11) My tree decorating skills are cuh-razy. (12) Atop my stove is the apple pie my grandmother baked me. (13) She is awesome. (14) Brittany Murphy died. 32. The sadness I get when a celebrity dies is irrational. (15) I feel anxious.(16) My blog is lame. I'm glad no one reads it.

I'm happy to see this fella.


And I hope I get to do a lot of this.

I'm thankful for

Love and Hope and all that jazz.

For the times when I know what the right thing to do.

Books with sans-serif font.

Tyler Gobble, who motivates me to try my hardest and do my best.

Maya Williams, who pushes me to think harder, forcing me to figure out who I am.

Michael King for keeping me on the right path and for smiling through the rocky parts.

Vicki Hays, what a wonderful Co.

I’m also grateful for

Molly Stover for reminding me that life is made to laugh at.

For knowing me better than I know myself, Kinsley Kemp gets the kudos.

Travis Anderson for keeping me sane.

Max for being himself.

My grandma because I love her and she’s the hardest working person I know.

William Holman for being inspiringly courageous.

and

For teaching me what unconditional friendship is, I credit Cody (D).

Cliffton and Tim for making my life smokey and fun.

Little Lauren Diaz for her encouraging text massages.

The tough lessons I learned from Mr. Alex Salmins.

Bob for being consistent, unrelenting, honest, and unconditional

My family for driving me crazy.

Mom. For giving birth to me and being the weirdest most wonderful person I’ve ever met.

And finally, despite my inability to articulate, I’m so enormously grateful for my life, with all this challenges and each of its perks.

I wouldn’t change a thing.

So my gratitude is stereotypical, but still

Thank you.

I'm a mean.

Bits of torn paper and shards of glass mingling in the funnel clouds within the heavenly cotton membrane that holds all the people on the home-shaped globe at the very bottom of a forgotten bag of marbles.

COMM 210

“It’s a question of value,” said the professor.

But I want to ask her, “What’s your value?”

Where’s you’re heart?

-Tucked into your cold, concrete skyscraper of a power point presentation?

-Did it die with the batteries in the microphone that carries your voice to the 1200 empty, apathetic ears that are ignoring you?

-Or is it in the pocket of your juvenile green jacket?

Does it bother you that no one is listening to you?

It does?

Well, it bothers me that you don’t really are about the answers to your courtesy ‘how are you’s?’

I’m sorry I’m mean, I think I’m sick.

Harsh Realization.

I have a resident who hates me.

Sure, there might be 59 other residents who are perfectly fine with my performance.
But there is ONE

• irrational
• illogical
• hateful
• menacing
  
• deceitful
  
• manipulative
• rude
• two-faced
• self-righteous
  

girl who hates me.

(I really try to love everyone, but this ones a toughy)

And I realized while I was in the shower that the things I don't like about her are things I dislike about myself.

Then the fleeting notion flickered in my brain, if she ever gets over her incessant hatred of me, we'd probably be great friends.

But then I realized that I wouldn't want to be friends with someone so much like me.

Make sense?

I want a kitty.

Right Now?

Life is a dance.
Life is a roller coaster.
Life is a mustache.

And anything to make you smile
It is my better side of you to admire
But they should never take so long
Just to be over then back to another one

TODAY,

I screamed as loud as I could.

But it's ok, no one heard me.

Dear Tyler Gobble,

Thank you for being my friend.

I love and appreciate you.

With utmost sincerity,

Jordan

Break-ups and downs

Kinsley works at a nursing home and I’m an RA.

We exchange stories of crazy residents.

And wonder what it would be like if hers mixed with mine.

Worn, creased faces beside fresh, acned ones.

We laugh at the thought.

-Scary Realization:I care a lot about these girls and genuinely want each and every one of them to succeed.

-This kind of emotional investment was not in my contract.

I feel like a failure when girls move from my floor or like I threw in the towel when Sheltered Princess moves down the hall to get away from Blunt Elitist.

I’m learning not to take it personally.

The best part of this gig is the built in support system of the staff. They get me through the hard days and convince me repeatedly that I’m worthwhile. They’re a wonderful bunch.

But I have my favorites, I’m not going to lie.

It Rained Rained Rained, and we Loved Loved Loved.

I bought the ticket on a whim after Cody had invited me to the concert.

Going to concerts always makes me nervous. I never feel quite cool enough.

Brand New, Manchester Orchestra at the Aragon Ballroom in Chicago.

The Windy City.

It took us hours to get there.

(four of them)

I drove them all. This is a huge personal accomplishment.

Once we arrived, paid twenty bucks to park, and hit up a starbucks, we found ourselves in a head shop listening to a stonned Kevin Smith Replica talk about a “sack of tatoes”.

Also, for the low, low price of two dollars I rescued a sunny yellow hat from a dreary army supply store; but my favorite purchase of the day was a worn Edith Wharton novel from a cutesy used bookstore.

The concert was a madhouse. Manchester was mind-blowing and Brand New stirred up passionin the crowed that I didn’t know existed.

I can’t believe I’d forgotten how much I liked getting shoved around by horrifyingly hugemasses of sweaty, intoxicated people.

It was late once we headed back toward home. Our eyes got droopy and as the driver, I knew we wouldn’t make it the whole way, so we parked at a truck stop and napped for a few hours.

It was freezing.

I’m astonished that we didn’t get murdered by a serial killer.

Cody D is one of the loveliest additions to my life. Without him, I’d be lost.

(By the way his eye ball is almost completely healed now.)

And Derek, the trust sidekick is pretty swell as well.