31.12.09

2009

*This is more for my reflection than your enjoyment, so if i were you...I wouldn't read it.


January

Finally memorized my student ID number

Wholeheartedly committed myself to become an educator

Finished the mural

Met Tyler Gobble and Michael King, people who would shape the rest of my year.

February

Abstained from facebook

Started this blog

Missed my first RA interview

Entered a classroom for the first time as something other than a student

Didn’t eat for four days

March

Drove 4 hours to visit William by myself (a personal accomplishment for this notably awful driver)


April

Became an RA (didn’t realize this would be a life altering decision)

Met Matt Wallace, Alex Beasely, Lauren Diaz, Vicki Hayes, Tyeesha Harris, Clifton Snorten, and Tim O’Malley (didn’t realize they’d become family)


May

Kicked Brit. Lit. butt

Met Alex Salmins

Fell in love with VGR

Got glasses

Cultivated a deep seeded hatred for my job as a journalist

Ditched the hair

Got glasses

Started work for a political campaign (parades and all)

Ate live ants

June

Had my first panic attack

Wrote the most read story for the Dayton Daily News

July

Realized I love Journalism and it will always be part of my life

Showed Washington D.C. to my mom and grandmother

Had my wisdom teeth hacked out

Tasted pudding for the first time


August

Experienced the horror of duty for the first time

What I thought was cocaine was really creatin

SSO

Maya Williams and Travis Anderson joined the family

September

My first mediation

Thought for the first time that I was not capable of accomplishing something

Decided to never be an RA again

Dropped the D in Cody D

October

Committed to study in Europe this summer

Got dumped

Went to Chicago with Cody and Derek

Camped in the pouring rain

Started something covert

November

Goodbye to Timothy O’Malley

Said farewell to my teenage years with Kinsley and Molly

Realized that I want them to be a part of my life forever

Was threatened.

December

Wrote a book

Saw only A’s on my report card

Was astonished by that

Realized this was probably the most diverse decade I will ever live through.


I’m almost sad to say goodbye to such an eventful year. It will certainly be remembered, even if only as the one where I kissed way too many boys, picked out the names of my future children, and learned to love myself.

Love Letter

Dear future husband,

From what I’ve come to understand marriage can be comparable to prison if you’re not careful. So we should try to make ours fun. Lets play tricks on each other and stuff. Our bed is always base, the garage is out of bounds, and sharp objects are off limits. Bonus points for craftiness.

Also, I’m always going to want a puppy or a kitten. No matter what. So, if you’re smart, which I really hope you are, you’ll avoid getting one until you need to make up for something.

Please don’t smoke, or sleep with your secretary, or develop a dependency for some expensive illicit narcotic. That would just break my heart.

We can read good books and then swap! We could be nomads or suburban dwellers. We can have a garden and learn to cook exotic food. Together, we can go on adventures and do the things that scare us.

Hubby, I have no idea who you are or if I’ve met you, but I hope you don’t play dungeons and dragons or have a history of heart disease in your family. I’d hate to pass those on to Junior.

Well, that’s all for now.

Til death do us part,

Jordan

29.12.09

one day I might write something worthwhile.

Mt. Everest is in my mind, weighing heavy and old.
Four separate quadrants of thought.
Compartmentalized and cold.
Ice-Ice-Isolated.

1. Exactly five years ago the Tsunami killed over 250,000 people.
a. Mother nature must be a terrorist.
b. I’m still sad about all that lost potential, those displaced futures and the families who still weep.

2. Kirby has a habit of reappearing in my life when I need him most, armed with the words I need to hear.
a. Yesterday it went like this.
Kirby: you're trying to help other people too much
and you need to take care of yourself first
Me: you think i do that?
Kirby: yes
Me: that doesn’t seem good.
Kirby: yeah
you have to take care of yourself first
what if you were in someone elses shoes,
and you saw yourself the way you are right now?
what would you do?
Me: i'd definitely kick them
b. What he said really intrigued me and reminded me that I’m bad at introspection.
c. but he also said I looked like a dyke.

3. I miss my grandma Pridemore
a. Every single day.

4. My grandma Cook was in a car accident yesterday. I’m horrified that she won’t be okay.
a. Today, as my own car was spinning out of control toward a telephone pole I felt unafraid.
b. Now I tremble.

24.12.09

Navidad

I really dislike the gift-exchanging aspect of Christmas.

But the spirit of materialism manifests itself brilliantly in my family. I love giving gifts, but not when it’s accompanied by expected reciprocity or strategically so your gift is the most appreciated and memorable.

That makes it meaningless.

I’m almost dreading tomorrow because the entire family is getting together out of obligation, not because we actually like each other.

I wish the burnt bridges could be rebuilt.

But the walls are stubborn and impenetrable.

Tension. Grudges. Manipulation. Tears. Scars. Fallacies. Misunderstandings.

There is love, but it’s so misguided that it never reaches its intended destination.

Here’s to hoping that tomorrow, where I’m anticipating awkwardness and swear words, there’ll be a Christmas miracle and the love will find its way.

Cheers.

Best wishes to you and yours.

Note to self: appendages.

The next time we're climbing out of our car and wearing a dress at the same time, lets try to be more ladylike, shall we?

Knees together please.

23.12.09

Thanks for the beating.

Dear Heart,
Thank you for beating relentlessly.


Sometimes I hate you for never learning to turn away from people who don’t regard how fragile you are, but I’m going to stop trying to change that. No matter what anyone says, it’s an asset.

On my sleeve is where you belong. That’s who we are.
Sometimes I work you too hard and put you through too much. But you stick with me and I love you for that.

Loving without reciprocity has made us stronger and made us weep. Sometimes I have real problems with the decisions you make and the people you invite in, but I know it isn’t my decision, it’s yours.

I’ve always gotten a little pissed off when people say things like “follow your heart” or “listen to your heart.” Bullshit. You aren’t a map. You don’t speak in a language I can decipher.

I don’t understand you. I follow blindly, faithfully.

But overall, I think we make a good team. And it’s nice to know that while people come and go, we’ll always have each other.

With all the love I can muster and utmost sincerity,
Jordan

22.12.09

she left the light on.

So I got my head out of stu west.

And then I started thinking about stu west.

And the arrow that pointed toward my name.

Toward me.

The line linking an ugly threat to me.

But I’m not supposed to take it personally.

That was at first.

And then the notes started.

And continued until it was a daily thing.

I didn’t think it bothered me.

But then I had to read it every day.

That someone is going to rape me.

And after it was hurtful and heartbreaking, it just got old.

That’s what sucks about leaving.

I start thinking about what I’m leaving.

And then I never want to go back.

20.12.09

How is it Christmas already?

Home.
I Am Home.
I Am Here.
Here is Home?

(1) Today feels like it was Twodays (2) First day of break is over. (3) I went shopping. I hate shopping. (4) I acknowledge that I’m spoiled. (5) My mom is very neat. (6) I started a new book today. It’s a first attempt at recreational non-fiction. ( 7) My mom made me stop so we could watch survivor. 8. Home feels nice. (9) Tyler Gobble is a very nice friend. (10) Cody Davis lights up my life. (11) My tree decorating skills are cuh-razy. (12) Atop my stove is the apple pie my grandmother baked me. (13) She is awesome. (14) Brittany Murphy died. 32. The sadness I get when a celebrity dies is irrational. (15) I feel anxious.(16) My blog is lame. I'm glad no one reads it.



I'm happy to see this fella.


And I hope I get to do a lot of this.