Today is a headache.
A headache, helado con mi amigo nuevo, and a to do list that whips through the air like ribbon through the breeze in an imagined place with bright, cloudless skies and emerald pastures.
Today is waiting and anxiety. The letter is supposed to be here, but with my postcard it is not. I can see the page in my mind. A premature image with too many words. Too many black letters scattered across the white page when a simple yes or no would suffice.
Waiting like this will be the death of me. One moment I’m convinced, preparing myself for the “no” that I’m positive waits inside some envelope somewhere on its way to me. And then for a few fleeing moments I smile and know that I deserve this opportunity. All the hard work and thankless hours I put in have brought me here and I’ve earned it.
I wish confidence was unconditional and permanent.
In other news, I’m wrapping up Khaled Hosseini’s A Thousand Splendid Suns and it is superb. Even before the conclusion, I already feel myself seeing the world differently. It’s incredible how a fast the world you know can change, how quickly it can morph into something you don’t even recognize.
Scary thought that I’m trying to avoid associating with how the world I know is changing.
My abstaining continues. No Facebook and the fast starts tomorrow. According to Esquire, if I survive the next three days, I’ll be a man with more character and self-discipline than I had before.
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