4.2.09

Set in Motion

I live a comfortable life, with a comfortable routine. I have more than I need, waste more than is necessary, and appreciate things less than I should. I say “I” incessantly, like it’s something important.

In my quest for self-discovery and an understanding of the world around me, I want to know exactly what I can’t live with out. I want a quantifiable, tangible list of what I can endure and what I cannot.

I want to know that I can make it on my own. I want to stop confusing necessities and conveniences. So I’m going to start giving things up. Things I use everyday. I’m starting with a week without social networking sites, lame I know, but I’ve got to start surrendering something. This week it’s Facebook, next week it could be my bed, speaking, vanity, or technology. Who knows?

I want to test my limits, find out what’s really important to me. I want to stop feeling so…dormant. I have inertia; I just need to be set in motion.

This could be a bad idea born from my unchallenged mind or my habitually unsatisfied need to be rootless. But I’m stubborn and I’ve decided that I want to replace my comfort with affliction.

Giving up Facebook seems like a miniscule sacrifice, but I already feel disconnected. I’m going to miss that constant knowledge that I’m only a click away from over 200 “friends.” It’s a security blanket; there to remind me that I’ve been accepted for who I am, I have a place in society, I belong to a group…

I’ve removed it from my bookmark list on my browser so that I can avoid checking it out of sheer habit. That’s what I want to get rid of, bad habits, wasted time.

Already, I’ve read a book that’s been sitting on my shelf for months. Maybe it’s the motivation that accompanies the start of something new, but today has been the most productive day I’ve had in a long while.

My fast starts on Saturday. How long can I go without food, three days is the goal, we’ll see where it goes. This comes from a list my roommate was talking about. Apparently if you’re a real man, you can go three days on water alone.

Also on the self-improvement agenda this week are a blood drive and tickets to an opera.

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