Walt Whitman Day

Today was a Walt Whitman day.
I leaned and loafed
and smiled
and ate and
tried to forget about the semester that refuses to remove its claws. 
I checked to see if grades were online about a thousand times. 

When I imagined peacing out to this semester, I thought the break would be a lot cleaner.
But I'm still tense
and furrowed. 

Tomorrow will be an Emily Dickinson day.
Meticulously, I will read books.
Wrestle with rhetoric. 
(It's epistemic, have you heard?)

I'm still waiting for the fog to clear
and when it does--
I will read books
and smile at strangers
and bake cookies
and finally clean my room
and drink mojitos on the beach
and probably miss you terribly. 

"I celebrate myself, and sing myself,
And what I assume you shall assume,
For every atom belonging to me as good belongs to you.
I loaf and invite my soul,
I lean and loaf at my ease observing a spear of summer grass.
My tongue, every atom of my blood, formed from this soil, this air,
Born here of parents born here from parents the same, and their parents the same."

-Walt Whitman

4 am

It's late.  I'm sick.
(The expression sicker than a dog makes no sense to me.  My dog has never been very sick.)
Anyway, there are exactly 11 factors that work in conjunction with each other to create this sad state I'm in.

1. My sickness: coughy, sneezy, sleepy, achey kind.
2. The syfy marathon I watched because I couldn't find the remote.  (Leprachans, something about vampires, Wrong Turn 2, Joy Ride 2, The Grudge 3)
3. I've never seen the first ones of any of those movie, but no worries, I had no trouble understanding these B-listers. 
4. This girl specifically is freaking me out.  

 

5. Yep, TOTALLY FREAKIN OUT.

6.  SLEEPY SLEEPY SLEEPY.

7. I realize this isn't cohesive. 

8. But I'm probably going to be murdered by a fictional character.  

9. Those movies were stupid.  

10. So I've spent all day consuming stupid. 

11. How smart does that make me?

I love

that moment when I'm washing my face before bed and there's soap and water on my eyelids so I can't quite open them; but I tilt my head up to face the mirror, reach for my towel, and dry off my face.  For that instant before I open my eyes, anything can happen.  There could be an axe murderer right behind me that I won't notice until I see him in our reflection.  The electricity could have gone off and I could open my eyes to complete darkness.  Or I might just see a clean but drippy hair-shoved-back version of my face.
Either way, I love that I open my eyes not knowing.

Dangling Whimsical dripping off the stars

Thailand or elsewhere?
Internship or no internship?
Making money or going broke?
Last week I “Lost money, chose life” (RE: skipped class)
But now I’m wondering where else the phrase is applicable.  
Do I spend all the money I have and go to Thailand.  
Or do I save those monies for the rent I’ll soon be paying?
Why does it feel so selfish to want to go volunteer for a few months?
Why is it so expensive to do said volunteering?

 

I want to run to this country and say “hello.”  

Gratitude

Today has been one long-winded complaint so I'm going to try to spend five minutes thinking about the things I'm grateful for. 

1.  Despite being on duty and having two nasty encounters with vomit, I had a really great halloween weekend.  (Note evidentiary support below)

2.  Despite being completely disengaged in my classes, I'm smart enough to save face...and my GPA, making up for not preparing.

3.  Somehow, someway, I have the skills to help some special people through their challenges and I have no idea where they came form. 

4. Despite being completely torn between two equally fascinating opportunities, I am so grateful to have options. 

5. I realize that without these difficulties, I would not have discovered my strengths. 

But is it too much to ask to discover my strength AND catch a nap at the same time??

Panda: Duty

I am grateful for my job.

368 days

The last 3 days were awesome because:

-I ignored copious amounts of homework to hang out with this guy:

-We subjected our bodies to profuse amounts of lateral forces on the best coasters Kings Island has to offer.

-We bungee jumped.  (freakin’ terrifying)

-We made brownies.

-We watched movies.

-We enjoyed the fall and each other

and for a moment,

-We soaked up all of the love and happy that the “best days of our lives” have to offer.