I need a change.

there

is

absolutely

no

inevitability

as

long

as

there

is

a

willingness

contemplate

what

is

happening.

I feel displaced. (things I'm sorry for: part one)

Today I wandered around an empty greenhouse.
I decided to like my classes.
And this font.

*************************************************************

Once, when we were about 5, my cousin and I tricked Violet, our Jamaican nanny, into thinking we got kidnapped.  We covered the bedroom in muddy footprints and climbed out the window. It turned into a big snafu and was just a generally unpleasant experience. Especially for Violet.  She was a wreck and I was the one responsible for wreaking havoc on her undeserving nerves. Thinking of this makes me feel the kind of guilty that sticks to my bones and makes my stomach feel like a volcano.  I still think of her and what I would say to her if I ever see her again.  I think I would start with I'm sorry.

I'm sorry for being a terror who considered no ones feelings but her own.  

Fragments.

Parts of me are:

-Still sleeping under bridges and on benches in Vencie.

-Basking in the sunlight on top of a mountain I didn't think I could climb by myself.

-Watching travelers on an endless night at an international airport.

-Always careful to keep my passport close at hand, but my camera closer. 

-In shock that I just started my junior year of college.

-Amazed that I'll not only have real students this year, but also the resposibility of teaching them.

-Intimidated by the creeping closeness of the real world.

-Happy...so so happy.

(Venice)